


I'm Sorry

by Dr_Queenie30



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Choking, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Rape/Non-con Elements, Whipping, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25796380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Queenie30/pseuds/Dr_Queenie30
Summary: Reader has a history with the Winter Soldier. How will she handle having Bucky Barnes as a new house mate?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SUPER short chapters.

It is getting harder to breath. I can still feel him between my legs. He is moving fast. Hard. The hand around my neck getting tighter, I can feel my eyes begin to roll back. He releases me and I gasp for air as he finishes inside of me. I wince as he pulls out. There is blood on the floor below me. Some dry, some wet, all mine. He is never gentle, why would this time be any different. I try to pull the bindings on my arms, but my body is too weak. They have had me hanging here for what feels like months. The guards open the door and he goes to leave, pausing at the door to get one last look of the day. My eyes are almost swollen shut, but I can still make out the gleaming metal of his arm.

A scream awakens me. Based on the soreness of my throat, I am going to guess it was mine. Another nightmare, another memory of the 3 months that I endured being held by Hydra. Looking to my nightstand I see that it is 4:37am. “Shit” I mutter. Dragging myself to the ensuite, I start the shower and step in. Washing the images away. Washing away the feel of his hands on me. But I can’t wash away the scars the cover my back where they whipped me. 

Steve was the one to find me. It wasn’t me he was looking for, but he took me back to the tower and took care of me. I have been training with him and the other avengers since that day. Well, that first week I was sedated. They found my file that Hydra kept. Detailing everyday I was with them. The team never brought it up. They could see that I didn’t want to talk about it. I don’t think they wanted to hear it either. Especially Steve. So, we ignored it. I settled into the tower, trained with the team, even went on a few easy missions. It’s like forgot they forgot it happened. Maybe they had. It has been almost 6 months since my rescue. It feels like yesterday to me. 

My shower has now gone cold. I get dressed and settle onto the sofa in my room with a good book while waiting for the others to wake for breakfast.

A few hours pass and I can hear the movement in the kitchen. Setting my book aside, I make my way down the hall. Sam is making pancakes. Nat is using her knife skills cutting up some fruit. While Clint and Tony are practically chugging a pot of coffee each at the table. “Morning” is said all around as I head for the cupboard and get a glass. I open the fridge to grab the orange juice when I hear the elevator ding. Turning around I see Steve with a huge smile on his face, and HIM. He is here, in our kitchen, staring at me. Everyone is staring at me. That is when I feel it, the pain. I look down and see the glass I was holding, shattered. I am bleeding again, this time the cause is a cut on my hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Two months ago, Steve brought my nightmare back to the tower with him and he has been here ever since. The cut on my hand has long healed. Just another scar to add to the collection. Steve apologized for not giving me a heads up on our new roommate after Natasha had a very intense “training session” with him. The worst part is, he doesn’t even remember me.

Steve gave me the speech “It wasn’t him, it was Hydra, it was mind control, it was the winter soldier. It wasn’t Bucky.” That made me angry with him. So, I lashed out at him. Yelling at him. “But it was me! I was the one that was strung up by Hydra! I was the one that was stripped down and used as a fuckdoll for the winter soldier! I was the one that was used as a whipping post every day! I CAN’T FORGET WHAT HAPPENED JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T REMEMBER!!!” We hear a clearing of a throat and see that we have gathered an audience. Nat has anger in her eyes that Steve was blind to my feelings. Tony and Clint have pity as they glance to the floor unable to make eye contact. Sam has shock and sadness, having not read my file out of respect, saying that if I wanted him to know then I would tell him myself. And then there is Bucky, a distant stare, eyes glassed over, I know that look, I get it all the time. He is remembering.


	3. Chapter 3

The screams in the early morning have become more frequent. Waking everyone on the floor. No one has gotten a good night’s sleep since our yelling match last week. I lie awake, staring at my ceiling and I hear it again, the screams. Bucky has been having nightmares of our time together. The memories came flooding back to him. A few moments later and I hear a knock on my door. Sam has been coming to check on me every night this week. I open the door but come face to face with grey eyes instead of brown. 

“C-can I come in?” Bucky asks. No. He tortured you. Raped you. My mind is shouting at me to slam the door in his face. I open the door wide. Leaving it open as I walk to my sofa and sit, offering him to do the same. Minutes pass without a word spoken. His elbows rested on his knees, staring at the floor. I stare at him, he has tears going down his cheeks, his hair looks softer, HE looks softer. Not like the soldier from my nightmares. “I’m sorry” he whispers so quietly that I almost miss it. That takes me so off guard that I say the only thing I can think of. “I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

We talked for hours that night. We cried, we laughed, cried some more. He still had nightmares, but he would knock on my door after each one and we would sit on my sofa until the sun came up. Sometimes he would tell me about his nightmares, sometimes I would read to him, sometimes we sat in silence. I began going to him after my own nightmares. I never told him what I dreamt about. We both knew. So instead I would catch him up on what he had missed all those years. Movies, music, politics, he secretly loved watching the Kardashians. Bucky said it was like watching orangutans in their natural habitat. 

We became friends. It was going well. Until that night.

Bucky’s screams woke me. I waited for the knock on my door, but all that came was more screams. I made my way to his door. Knocking gently and not hearing a response, I crack the door open and see him trashing on the bed, covered in sweat, sheets twisted around his legs. I step to the side of his bed and reach out to touch his arm. Stupid idea. Next thing I know I have a metal hand wrapped around my throat and I’m being held against the nearest wall. He is not fully awake yet. I can tell by the glazed look in his eyes. I can’t breathe but I know I need to wake him. I reach my hand up and cup the side of his face, tracing my thumb across his features. His face softens and he blinks a few times before his eyes widen and he jumps back from me. I fall to the floor gasping for air. 

Once I catch my breath, I crawl towards where he is now sitting on the foot of his bed. He is holding his head, rocking back and forth. I hear him mumbling, and I place my hands on both of his knees. I whisper, not to startle him. “Bucky. Bucky I’m ok” I take his hands in mine, gently pulling them away from his face so he can see me. I say again “I’m ok, you’re ok. We are ok” We lock eyes and his breathing calms. We are so close that I rest my forehead against his. Bucky glances down to my lips then back to my eyes. I lean forward and capture his lips in a soft kiss. Bucky is the first to break the silence after our kiss. “I’m sorry” I know he is talking about his dream. I know that Hydra was responsible. I also know what he needs to hear, the truth, so I tell him. “I forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. :)


End file.
